


Not in that Way

by CastielsHeart



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Happy Ending, Karaoke, M/M, Unrequited Love, past breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25645888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielsHeart/pseuds/CastielsHeart
Summary: Castiel sang his song right to Dean.  He stared him down and he didn’t waver.  He needed the man to know he’d ruined him.  No one wanted a broken man and it was Dean’s fault.  He’d broken him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 21
Kudos: 71





	Not in that Way

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been in a bad headspace lately. Haven't been able to write on my WIPs. Wrote this quick one shot to prove to myself that I could still create and to get out some anger. Let me know what you think.

Castiel sat next to his friend and business partner, Balthazar and tried to shake the melancholy that had fallen over him. He was back in Lawrence, Kansas for the first time in over a decade. Why was he here? Oh yes, Balthazar had insisted they come to his friend, Crowley’s new club and look at some property in the area. They were in the business of buying, remodeling and reselling property both commercial and residential. Balthazar was the designer and Castiel was the numbers guy. He also had the arduous chore of keeping Balthazar on task. It was exhausting.

Tonight was karaoke night at The Hellhound. Castiel had already been bullied into signing up for a slot and a song. Balthazar just loved humiliating him although he’d been complimented many times on his singing in the past. Castiel had been lost in thought when a large group came in and took the seats on the other side of the stage. Castiel was in the shadows and therefore unseen by the group but he could see them. When he realized who was among them he felt sick. “Balthazar, I need to leave.”

“Nonsense Cassie. You’re going onstage in fifteen minutes. Live a little.” Balthazar quipped and went back to flirting with Crowley and his girlfriend Hannah. Balthazar did love a menage trois.

Castiel watched the man that he’d once been madly in love with sit down next to… was that Sam. Damn the man was even taller than the last time Castiel had seen him. Five minutes later a brunette busty women sat next to Dean and started chatting him up. So Dean was still pretending to be straight or had the man finally convinced himself that he was. Castiel felt hot tears threatening to spill over. Fuck he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Ten years ago right out of college Castiel had moved to Lawrence to work in an accounting firm. After only being there a month Castiel met Dean and he had fallen hard for the green eyed man. The day after they’d made love for the first time, Dean had called and broken things off with Castiel. Saying he wasn’t gay and it was all a mistake. Castiel broke. He quit his job the next day and moved to New York the next, where he met up with Balthazar and they started their business together.

Castiel hadn’t been in a relationship since. He’d had encounters but he never let it go past sex. It was all about the release because emotions were dangerous. Dean Winchester had ruined him. Fuck! He still wanted to leave so bad but the voice that had gotten him through the last ten years yelled, “Show him! Make him see what a bastard he is!”

The DJ, Ash, Castiel thought his name was motioned to Castiel that it was his turn. Castiel stood and walked out of the shadow and turned to glare at Dean. The green eyed adonis saw him. Castiel couldn’t decipher the look on Dean’s face. Was he angry, sad or just surprised? Well Castiel didn’t care. He squared his shoulders and walked to Ash. He whispered in Ash’s ear the change in song. Ash responded, “Sure man no problem.” Castiel walked confidently on stage glancing at Dean before taking the mic.

Castiel sang his song right to Dean. He stared him down and he didn’t waver. He needed the man to know he’d ruined him. No one wanted a broken man and it was Dean’s fault. He’d broken him.  
**  
“And I hate to say I love you  
When it's so hard for me  
And I hate to say I want you  
When you make it so clear  
You don't want me  
I'd never ask you cause deep down  
I'm certain I know what you'd say  
You'd say I'm sorry believe me  
I love you but not in that way  
And I hate to say I need you  
I'm so reliant  
I'm so dependent  
I'm such a fool  
When you're not there  
I find myself singing the blues  
Can't bear  
Can't face the truth  
You will never know that feeling  
You will never see…  
You will never know that feeling  
You will never see through these eyes  
I'd never ask you  
'Cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say  
You'd say I'm sorry  
Believe me  
I love you  
But not in that way  
You'd say I'm sorry  
Believe me  
I love you  
But not in that way”

**

When the music for Sam Smith’s, “Not in That Way”, finished the place was silent for a beat. Then people clapped and cheered. Dean however just stared at him. The look was sad and maybe uncertain. Castiel felt the endorphin rush he’d been using to keep it together, waning. He rushed off stage before the tears could be seen. He went out the backdoor of the club into the ally. He kicked some boxes sitting next to the dumpster and shouted out his anguish into the night, that didn’t care.

He heard the door behind him open. “Leave me alone, Balthazar.” Castiel said dejected.

“I’m not Balthazar.” Said a deep voice that made Castiel’s heart speed up. Fucking Dean Winchester followed him.

“You can go away too! Go back to your girlfriend or wife and leave me be.” Castiel shouted. He couldn’t be sad. He needed to be angry because sadness would make him do something stupid. Like beg Dean. He wasn’t going to allow that.

“She’s not anything to me. She’s been trying to turn me for a while but I’ve made it clear to Lisa that she’s fooling herself.” Dean growled from behind him.

Castiel finally turned to face his old lover. “Turn you what?” Castiel asked incredulously.

“Straight. Fuck Cas. I never thought I ever see you again.” Dean said with an emotion Castiel’s brain wouldn’t let him compute. Was that longing and sorrow. No couldn’t be.

“Dean you are straight. Or that’s what you told me when you broke me.” Castiel spat out still fueled by anger.

“I know what I said. It was stupid. I was listening to my dad and his bullshit. I tried to find you the next week but you were gone. Your phone was disconnected and no one would tell me where you’d gone. I convinced myself that I didn’t deserve you, that you were better off without me but after seeing you tonight. Fuck Cas, I want you so bad but you’re with someone.” Dean said forlorn.

“What?” Castiel was confused and his anger was fading.

“The guy next to you.” Dean said sounding frustrated.

“He’s my friend and business partner. Nothing more. I’ve never been able to be in a relationship since…” Castiel couldn’t give it words in that moment.

“I’m so sorry Cas. Can we talk and maybe mend what I destroyed. God you still have the same effect on me you did then. You’re mesmerizing. I promise I am out and proud now. Please give me another chance.” Dean pleaded.

Castiel walked over until he was nose to nose with Dean. He stared into green eyes and saw honesty and pain there. Before he realized what he was doing they were kissing. It wasn’t gentle and Castiel tasted the metallic taste of blood. Whose it was, he did not know. He just knew he felt the pieces mending inside of him as Dean’s bright soul was healing him. He had his soulmate back.

**Author's Note:**

> I am fueled by your comments and kudos.


End file.
